The Lighten-Up Approach to Emotional Wellness

by Ann Fry

As you begin reading this article, please ask yourself a couple of questions. Do I have all the fun and joy I can possibly handle in my life? Do I always seem to have enough time to feel bad? Do I have enough time to feel good? Whose responsibility is it for me to feel good? 

Consider your answers. Hopefully, you answered yes, no, yes and myself. If not, read on. In our hurried lives of the 90's, it's not unusual for us to get swept up in "busy-making" — not leaving enough time to feel good. We feel that our lives are unbalanced. We have the demands of home, spouses, kids, animals, work, community involvement, etc. And, many of us were socialized with the idea that all work must be done before we could "play".

We actually forget that we have the POWER to create our feelings and the CHOICE to express and feel whichever feelings we desire. So, how come we don't create enough good ones?

The self-help bookshelves are full of books on how to feel better or stop feeling bad. Unhappiness or depression is at an all time high. In my therapy practice I certainly see many individuals, couples, and families asking the question, "why am I/we so miserable?" The goal is to strive for fulfillment or well-roundedness. My term for the spirit of feeling good is Emotional Wellness. What is lacking — what will it take for people to be happier?

Happy (or emotionally well) people share some common traits: they tend to be more appreciative of the moment, they tend to take good care of themselves, they have good balance in their lives, they go with the "flow", they have positive and good relationships, they have a spiritual component that brings joy and faith to their lives, and they have the ability to PLAY.

Happy people don't sit and wait for someone else to make them happy — they create happiness for themselves. They realize that how they feel about themselves, from the inside or internal core, is at the crux of the matter. If you wait for others to decide how you should feel, you will never get to that core. Happy people find their own fulfillment — they rely on their internal beliefs to generate the pleasure and they don't allow others to deter them from their path.

Happy people have a PLAYFUL attitude. PLAY is any activity that produces the emotion of joy — it includes increased energy, feeling better, being more creative and often makes you want to laugh. This positive, playful attitude allows them to handle all aspects of their lives - the stress, the sadness, the things that happen when you least expect them, etc. Ask yourself — Do I laugh and Play enough or do I allow "seriousness" to keep me from playing and laughing more?

So, if you want more JOY in your life, try the following: Develop what I call the "Lighten-Up approach to emotional wellness". Try these ideas: hang around with funny people and people who like to have fun, be amusing - find humor in things around you and share it, laugh at yourself, decide to make play a priority in your life, and set a goal to feel good for a certain amount of time each day and make sure you do it. Sit down after reading this and make a FUN LIST — a list of all the things you'd love to do but don't do enough (to stretch even more, expand the list by pretending that money and time are not an issue). Then, get started doing fun things.

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